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9 Steps To Rebuild Your Relationship With Your Man

You remember the most romantic gestures and activities during courtship. Never have you been so emotionally attached to a man. And you thought that the feelings, affection, and harmonious relationship would last forever.

And now, everything feels so mundane and stagnant.

It’s not that you hate each other. It’s just that for some reasons unexplained, your man has slowly drifted away from you. As if… he is just waiting for an event to happen so that he can use it as a reason (excuse) to break it off with you…

What can you do to rebuild and possibly save your relationship? How do you reignite that spark or at least keep the flame from snuffing out? What if the trust between you is broken?

Firstly, don’t fret. This is not unique to your relationship. It happens to almost every couple.

Usually when things start to get disturbingly “normal” in a relationship, one of four things usually happen. You can:

  1. Do nothing and let the love die a miserable death
  2. Do nothing and everything starts to normalize
  3. Do something but it inadvertently triggers the end of the relationship
  4. Do something and save the relationship from disintegrating into dust

Since you are reading this, I guess that you have chosen the fourth option.

And here are 9 steps to give you the best chance of achieving your goal.

1) Stop nagging

woman-nagging-at-man

Men live by the “less talk more action” motto.

The main reason being that they take more pleasure and get more enjoyment from doing things. The other reason being that they don’t like to get into conversations where the other party is the one doing all the talking.

Nagging fulfills 3 huge criteria that makes men despise you:

  1. They do not involve any action
  2. They are not the one talking
  3. They can feel being personally attacked when being nagged at

This is why you have to stop nagging at your man. Constantly telling him off, whether light-hearted or not, is like throwing a bunch of darts right at his self-worth. And even if he keeps quiet, you are fanning the fire that’s brewing the anger in him.

Men can usually brush off these “attacks” without a care in the world. But even the most centered man with the coolest mind will one day start to despise the woman nagging relentlessly at him, criticizing him for every shortcoming, and never stops comparing him to someone else.

If you keep pushing the limit, a response might be triggered.

  • Either he disengages himself from you; or
  • His displeasure explodes in your face

Both scenarios will do you no good. The best thing you can do is to stop reaching for the switch altogether… by stop nagging.

2) Allow him to make decisions for himself and you

guy-making-decision

Nothing deflates a man’s sense of self-worth more than being denied the freedom of deciding for himself.

You might think that self-esteem issues belong in the fantasy world of self-improvement. Where self-declared experts make up this term so as to sell more books, videos, and seminars.

If this is really the case, you have gotten this totally wrong.

If you have not come to terms with the notion that “men are different from women”, you have a lot of growing up to do. The way you think, your decision making process, your outlook in life, etc, is not universal and cannot be applied to everyone.

For the sake of this discussion, just play along with the notion that your man does not see things the way you do.

This means that there are things he wants to do and outcomes he prefers that are different from what you want. And if you are openly wearing the pants in the relationship, eventually the man in him is going to rise up and make a stand for himself.

The problem with situations like this is that guys are often easy-going. So they allow their ladies to make decisions like where to go, what to eat, which channel to watch, etc. And this behavior slowly becomes a habit within the relationship. The woman unconsciously takes hold of the power (sometimes with sex as the weapon). Then one day, the guy wakes up and can’t believe how much masculinity he has lost.

It’s about this time when he starts getting more and more vexed at following your orders. He get more and more irritated at your self-centered decisions. And he starts to find you annoying for overriding his choices.

Disaster is coming if you keep this up.

And if he wants to go out with his friends without you, let him be. Respect his personal space. Stop being possessive as it can really choke him of what he feels is his personal freedom

Start letting him make decisions. At least ask for his opinion if you have to decide on something. Better yet, let him decide for both of you.

You don’t need to make this an infinite protocol though. You can always go back to your evil ways once your man starts to feel like a man again.

3) Give him the King’s treatment once in a while

taking-care-of-boyfriend

Men never say it. But the primary reason why they leave their wives and girlfriends is because they don’t feel like a man anymore when being with their women. Their manhood have been compromised in the relationship.

The easiest way you can alleviate this problem is to give him the royal treatment every once in a while.

I get it. You want to be treated like a queen in the relationship. But sometimes, you need to give a little in order to receive.

And by the King’s treatment, I don’t mean to put out the red carpet to welcome him home (although that would be a nice surprise) or fanning him with an oversized peacock feather while he slumps into the sofa watching football.

Once in a while, you can achieve this illusion by doing simple things like:

  • giving him a shoulder massage without him asking
  • taking him to a fancy restaurant without a hint of it happening
  • pick him up from work without having him ask
  • preparing his favorite food to please his taste buds
  • help him dress up
  • help him groom himself

You might be pleasantly surprised how big an impact little gestures like these can make. It creates reciprocity and you would be rewarded handsomely.

And when he starts to really find your massages indulging and addictive, you can start to subtly ask for little favors in return. A healthy relationship has couples doing things for each other. You are just laying the groundwork for it to happen.

If you refuse to give this at least a try, you should ask yourself whether you are serious in rebuilding the relationship.

4) Tell him how much you appreciate his roles and sacrifices

woman-initiating-physical-contact

Everyone likes to be recognized and respected for what they do. And even more so if sacrifices were made.

Yes, I know you’ve sacrificed some stuff too. But since you are the one here trying to rebuild your relationship, the onus is on you to be the first-mover.

The biggest reason people don’t explicitly express their appreciation to someone is because of ego. To make this work, you need to put that aside. When the time and occasion is suitable, tell him how much you appreciate him for things like:

  • paying the mortgage so that the family has a house to live in
  • the amount of extra hours he puts in at work so that there is income to sustain the household
  • picking you up everyday after work so that you don’t have to contend with rush hour traffic
  • playing a part in housekeeping chores
  • getting rid of pests whenever you scream in the kitchen

A few words can go a long way… even if you are lying…

A real man would feel that it is his duty to do these things anyway. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to be appreciated for them.

5) Take his side in tough situations

side-with-bf-in-confrontation

Men can deem a lack of support from his girlfriend as a major form of embarrassment. So deep can this wound cut that a lack of support can often trigger a decision to break up.

For example, if there is some sort of serious disagreement or conflict, at work or social settings, where he is at loggerheads with someone else, he needs you by his side even if you feel that he’s wrong.

Failing to take his side when he needs it most can feel like being the victim of treason. Betrayal can be a very powerful motivation to drastically alter perceptions. Even the foundations of a tightly-knit relationship can be shaken by small acts of betrayal.

Even if he is confiding in you at home about such friction at work or with his friends, you need to take his side. Stand by him. It’s what he wants to hear. Trying to talk sense into him by going against his agenda is only going to make him despise you even more when your relationship is already on the rocks.

6) Laugh at his jokes

laughing-on-sofa

Underneath the facade of masculinity he presents to you, he sees humor as one of things he brings to the table. In fact, in his mind, it could be the single most valuable thing he is contributing towards the relationship.

The less you laugh at the lame jokes he attempts, the lower his morale is. And the more useless he feels

The more you laugh (or just pretend to smile) at his stupid jokes, the more useful he feels. And the more worthy his contributions are to the relationship.

A lack of a sense of belonging can cause a man to drift away.

It’s just what men do in general. Men have an instinctive need to conquer. And if it is lacking, new frontiers look all the more attractive.

7) Let him protect you

couple-watching-horrow-movie

Women has a motherly instinct to nurture. While men has a fatherly instinct to protect.

The more these natural human instincts are aroused, the more the primal needs of both genders are satisfied.

With civilization and law enforcement, women generally don’t need men to protect them like how it used to be just decades ago. There are lesser and lesser opportunities for your man to stand up for you when you are in trouble.

This is like putting your husband’s masculinity to sleep… in a dormant state.

You need to arouse the beast in him. Or get that monster in him to wake up once in a while.

You don’t need to walk into a bar and start a fight with someone else. That can be too dangerous a situation to get in. Who knows whether your boyfriend will actually stand up for you? And who knows if he can actually win?

All you need to do is treat this like a playground.

  • Hug him for protection when watching horror shows
  • Hide behind him when a pesky insurance agent tries to lure you on the street
  • Grab his arms in front of you as a barrier when he is talking to strangers
  • Be frightened by cats or dogs and let him shoo them away
  • Go hide behind him when you are being picked up at a bar

Even though these actions can seem childish or immature to some, I assure you that they work. They provide that jolt that wakes up the man in a man. And to men, it will be feel like an orgasm without sex. Especially if the beast in him has been in a coma for a looooong time.

8) Stop bashing him in your social circle

women-gossip-about-men

No matter who you are and what you do, one day you are going to realize that the opinions of other people really don’t matter. What others think of you has nothing to do with you.

And a man can often ignore rumors and gossip without any disgruntlement.

But it becomes a totally different matter when people have a negative opinion of him due to sabotage from others. And you could be knowingly doing it to your boyfriend.

It can cause him to lose trust in you.

Because we predictably want our own friends to think that the other party is the weird one in the relationship, we have a tendency to make our partners look like a fool in the eyes of our friends who are not really familiar with our boyfriends/girlfriends.

And this in turn, creates a negative perception of him in the minds of your friends when they don’t even know him!

You could be doing it without malice and categorize it as just casual innocent small talk. But what you are really doing is devaluing his status in the minds of others.

This hits a very sensitive part of men. Men have an innate need to be respected. Although most men don’t really care if others have a negative opinion of them, it’s a different context if the negative impressions are created by you.

It’s easily avoidable. And if you are doing this, you MUST stop. Especially if you have been ranting about him on social media.

The only thing you should be telling your friends about him is how good he is. This is not just to get your friends to envy you, but also to create the perception in his mind that your friends feel he deserves you.

If you need to confide in someone about problems, do it with your best friend. Don’t go out bashing his reputation to everyone you know.

If he hasn’t been cheating on you or made you a victim of domestic violence, why destroy his reputation in the minds of your friends?

9) Love him and don’t ask for anything in return

couple-in-love

Something magical happens when you shower someone with unconditional love. You usually get it back in return because of the natural reciprocal tendencies of human beings.

The problem these days is that we face a lot of challenges in the modern face-paced life. So we tend to ask for something back whenever we are in a giving mood.

For example, are there things that you fully expect your husband or boyfriend to do? Do you expect him to behave in a certain way? Do you expect him to say the right things all the time? Do you blackmail him to do certain things by depriving him of sex?

Laying the burden of expectations on your man is a sure way to sabotage your own relationship. And the last thing you want is to guilt your man into doing things for you.

I know this can sound hard. But you need to start loving him without expecting anything in return. At least give this a trial until you are absolutely certain that it will not turn your relationship for the better.

Finally

You can probably tell that these tips you’ve read are unlike the many articles found online teaching you to dress sexy, go on a diet, or use sex to your advantage.

The steps listed above will help your man feel masculine and feel appreciated for being the man. You can call it a little psychological tricks if you want.

The gist of it all is that if he feels like a man when being with you, there would be nowhere else he’d rather be. And that is the best gift you can give him as the woman in his life.

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